[=S-G=] Mind

Anybody there?

2009-10-18T15:43:31Z

Should I even bother to update I wonder.

Chivalry is not dead, I did a good deed tonight kinda?

2009-06-08T06:19:59Z

So I was walking towards the Racetrack with Ric and this random blond chick from her car in the parking lot yelled for our attention and wanted one of us to buy her a pack of newports. So I decided why the hell not, and she still threw bullshit excuses(leaving her ID at home and she works at a bar blah blah blah) on why she can't get it even tho I accepted to do it. Then she hands me like $55 and some change, as odd as it was getting I didn't bother to make a comment about it. I bought her pack which was only like $5 and change, gave her the pack and her change and at first she was all like "oh no, keep it" but the nice guy in me couldn't just do that because as I knew it I don't think her was really paying attention on how much she handed me. So I let her know I couldn't and how much she handed me. I let her sink in her head about it and she was all like "why the fuck did I do that?", she could of been drugged or drunk since she seemed a little out of it but than again she was blond haha. And now I can't even remember if she even bother to say thanks or anything. I think I just ended up walking away or said bye and walked away. Or as Ric put it...she could of been an undercover cop and me taking the risk of that. Sigh, it still puzzles my mind due to the randomness of it all. I mean 1AM on a Monday at a gas station random. Well you can see on the different ways this could of played out. Fucking Gian you nice guy Asshole, jesus...

Yea Mike K.

2009-05-08T18:52:27Z

I always think about you man, Your someone I'll never let go in till death. Rest In Pieces dear friend.

Lost Faith, Unlimited Paths.

2009-04-06T17:35:24Z

Once again I believe I was meant to be alone. Feeling suckered into something only left to be confused at this point. I don't know how to feel about her anymore, I feel like I just gave up since the point is dying. I guess a lot of parts die as we age, That's all we live for anyway. We live to die, makes me wonder what's the point of life than? What's the point of creating such a chaotic beauty? only to watch it shoot away like a shooting star.
So I had another school dream, this time with someone that resembles someone I cared about. In the end I just miss her even when she doesn't care about me anymore. I miss talking to the people who were close to me more than others I know. Life is plagued with death and betrayal, it strikes at us greatest when off guard. I'm sitting thinking I just need to start a new life, too bad we just go back to old ways.
I don't mind pushing forward in life, I guess I just need a home with old familiar faces to support me. I feel like I just been walking in the desert for years with nothing in sight anymore. Lost in more than one way, almost as free falling into a endless pit waiting to just impact the hit of end. I can't think of anymore to say at the moment, I'm just lost in words as well. [:SG:] out....

Ramble

2009-02-27T03:12:51Z

I like to watch people and study their actions.
But I'm sick of people these days, they have no fucking manners anymore. It's like their parents didn't teach them any better. Is it that hard to say Hello and Good bye? Do people feel that high horse important not to bother with it? Or am I such a such a damn chore to even say these simple words to? It seems that way.
Sometimes I'll just leave my messengers to see if anyone would even bother with me. It's funny to see truth people's colors if you try this experiment, who you would consider a friend these days. I already know who they are, It's even better when you do greet someone and they don't even have the nerve to answer back. There's no excuse for the "oh, I was afk/busy/etc." when there's a neat feature called away message. Something that takes only a couple seconds to create and save.
Yea, it's a two way street about the subject. But I actually do the IMing most of the time, For I miss talking to people or at least certain people in mind. Since when was the real last time you had a conversation with someone? I'm not talking about small talk either, which you use to make customers feel welcome. Yea I might sound bitter about it all, I'm just one of the few of a rare breed of humans. I feel as I grew up in the wrong era in time, I fucking hate this generation.

You don't know what you have in til you lose it, friends. May the plague or machines take over!

[:SG:] out....

Details On Mein Herz brennt.

2009-02-16T22:37:04Z

This about the broken heart part I mention earlier.

ZombieInfectious (4:35:37 PM): the heart broken part is a different story
(4:35:46 PM): is it a girl?
ZombieInfectious (4:35:49 PM): another one to add to my collection
ZombieInfectious (4:35:56 PM): mhm
4:36:09 PM): awwe sweetie what happened?
ZombieInfectious (4:38:13 PM): life I guess
(4:38:23 PM): No details? that private huh?
ZombieInfectious (4:38:37 PM): hold on let me word it
(4:38:41 PM): mk
ZombieInfectious (4:48:48 PM): a chick I really like well we really like each others actually, of course there's nothing we can do about it due to distance, she lives on the other side of the country. So we did talk it over before about I just want her to be happy and didn't want to hold her back you know from having a relationship n all, living life. We couldn't talk to each other as much due to her living problem since she got kicked out of her home. but I stumbled on that was she with someone and she didn't tell me about it. so of course the pain was about both but more of the telling me about it. I did get to talk to her about it as she's trying to be with this person she still feels lonely. so from a deep depression to a numb like emotion I don't know what to do.
(4:50:17 PM): Awwwe Wow Gian, So she lives in CA? I didnt know that. Distance sucks. =[ did she say why she wants to be with this person? Did you even talk about possibly visiting each other at all?
ZombieInfectious (4:52:38 PM): no we didn't talk as much about it since her laptop was dying, she wanted to call but of course to my luck she didn't. It's a money issue and I'm just some bum living for no reason.
ZombieInfectious (4:53:03 PM): other then she was sick of being lonely which I don't blame her.
(4:53:25 PM): Well you aren't a bum living for no reason. and yeah its a money issue, but if you truly really like a person they are worth the money to save up for imo
(4:53:40 PM): And everyone gets lonely.
(4:53:56 PM): but the thing is there's usually only one person who can truly know you and get you on that personal level you know
(4:54:02 PM): and i assume you two get each other like that?
ZombieInfectious (4:55:12 PM): personal level like?
(4:55:34 PM): like when you know this person on a mental and emotional level that know one can or understand
(4:55:36 PM): you know what i mean?
(4:55:41 PM): like you think a like and stuff
ZombieInfectious (4:56:52 PM): yea not sure about the think alike area
(4:57:02 PM): but everywhere else?
(4:57:04 PM): what about that
ZombieInfectious (4:57:11 PM): yea
ZombieInfectious (4:57:34 PM): we have alot in common and find each other highly attractive
(4:57:46 PM): Ooooh orly?
(4:57:52 PM): told ya gian, its the hair
(4:57:53 PM): =]
(4:57:55 PM): lol
(4:58:01 PM): its more than the hair of course.
(4:58:04 PM): but that's good
ZombieInfectious (4:58:12 PM): probably is the stupid hair
(4:58:14 PM): so why does she want to be with this other person?
(4:58:15 PM): rofl!
(4:58:19 PM): the hair is awesome =]
(4:58:22 PM): its unique,
(4:58:27 PM): and it looks good on you.
ZombieInfectious (4:58:56 PM): I said we didn't talk much about it
4:59:07 PM): Oh right
(4:59:09 PM): damn
(4:59:11 PM): =[
(4:59:19 PM): Did you want to ask her alot of questions?
ZombieInfectious (4:59:23 PM): not yet at least
ZombieInfectious (4:59:29 PM): of course
ZombieInfectious (4:59:57 PM): I got hit with the numb feeling so most of them disappeared
ZombieInfectious (5:01:18 PM): not the first time someone was all over me then fades away like I'm a used toy
(5:01:41 PM): =[
(5:01:45 PM): Don't talk about yourself like that
(5:01:47 PM): i hate that
(5:01:52 PM): you aren't a toy Gian
(5:01:54 PM): You are a good person
(5:02:03 PM): and you deserve someone who is going to see that and respect you for it
ZombieInfectious (5:02:46 PM): in this world it doesn't matter for good or bad, just a matter of luck.
ZombieInfectious (5:04:15 PM): I'm believing more and more that life is a gamble, there is no fate, destiny, etc.
ZombieInfectious (5:05:31 PM): the creator just shaking his magic 8-ball around, hah.
(5:05:49 PM): I honestly think i can say i agree with you on that.
(5:06:17 PM): I'm starting to believe that people leave to much to god, and don't take the steps for themselves as far as certain things go
ZombieInfectious (5:07:11 PM): the power of control over instinct
(5:07:23 PM): huh?
(5:07:24 PM): im dense.
(5:07:27 PM): you know this
(5:07:27 PM): lol
ZombieInfectious (5:08:46 PM): meaning rather thinking being controlled then doing the possible.
(5:08:54 PM): yeah

So Far, So Worse, So What.

2009-02-16T09:30:09Z

This month just keeps getting better and better. I was depressed, then a close friend of mine passed away, I got sick again, recently feeling heart broken, now I'm just numbly depressed. All this near 2.5 weeks flat, so now I'm just waiting for god to keep shitting on me since I'm such a horrible menace to this world it seems. I mean isn't bad enough that I try to talk to people only to feel like I'm a chore to reply to, I wonder what hellish deed of genocide of millions races while raping child & women as I destroy each culture mankind had to offer would let me deserve such a fate. Seriously, what the fuck have I done so bad? Fuck it...like I'll get an answer for the pile of misery building up for me.
I just don't know what to do anymore or rather what am I suppose to do. As the minutes fade to Hours to days and so on. I did had quite the dream tho, I dream that I was on a boat with my family near an open field as a meteor was crashing down miles away from us. Soon as this big round crater filled with fire and lava and covered with rock surface was coming down, We were fleeing on to land and running like hell. As we got far enough hiding behind a solid wall, we saw it crash and blow up like a nuke going off.
After the explosion...we closed in to the crash area where people seem to be getting infected with something unholy, making them deform and zombie like. Then fought off the first wave of them & fled to whatever was close by which ironically was a mall. It was one of those big malls as well with many floors, as the authorities were trying to order. More people were getting infected in the mall, the classic war between humans vs the infected as we try to survive. Then was mostly going around looking for supplies and killing them and my dream stops at a certain part like unedited movie.
I try to fall back asleep back someone ended up calling me and killed the whole vision. But when I went outside the sky and scene felt so vivid like it would of happened. One of those odd feelings I guess, So I'm going to end this on that note. [:SG:] out....

RIP Brandon.

2009-02-05T09:38:12Z

I just found out right now, The tears can not describe how much you meant to me and how much I'm going to miss you man. You are one of my metal brothers and helped me grow musically. I'll never forget the first day when I went back there to visit and how surprised and excited we got to see each other. You almost dragged me out the car haha. You're one of the greatest people I met on this miserable planet.
You didn't deserved such a cruel fate, if you were here to bring joy to us. You did just that, I don't know what else to say....I'll see you on the other side man. I hope Valhalla is as glorious as they made it to seem. I really wished I could of you seem you one last time. Long Live Brandon Holding Forever...

Exposing Mentality

2008-11-19T23:23:03Z

I'm sitting here head hurting talking to someone, trying to make sense of myself. I seem to intimidate people sometimes, as if they feel my negative thought process. They would think they would get on my nerves like if I'm pushing them away at times. I just suck and don't know what to talk about even when I want to talk to that certain person, my mind locks on ideas. When I'm depress, gloomy, or just down on my luck and shit out of fuck that is.
I say things I don't mean half the time, I guess it's just the feeling expression being in the heat of the moment. Almost as a scapegoat it seems, in the end I'll just feel ridiculous about it, rather foolish. Stupid shit it comes to be, Then there's things I can't seem to open up myself to or just other people about. I feel alone like someone chained me up and locked me away. Alone in the sense of the few people I can turn to are not there anymore.
Does anyone even still bother reading this anyway? I think I'm going to stop here. Later...

[=S-G=] out.

Halloween Day.

2008-11-02T00:49:15Z

So I dressed up like Klokateer from Metalocalypse(Pics I'll take soon) and took my niece and the neighbor kids trick or treating. This place was such a shitty area to even do it I swear. Only like 30% of my hood even gave out or celebrated Halloween, This is why I can't stupid religious foreign fucks who came here to ruin my holidays. And I swear to thank god if I was ever in their country. I'll be the most arrogant piece of shit their fucked up media makes us out to be, cocksuckers. Anyway since I was with the neighbor's kids they would tell me what street is bad because of dumb YO NYUKKA I'M GHETTO TOUGH monkeys that inhabit it.
There was probably 3-4 if I remembered and there's a bum living in one of the empty houses they said. I'm gonna make sure his ass is gone, fucking bum thinks this is Downtown Orlando or some shit? GTFO free loader! And I saw the most ghetto way of trick or treating by far over here. A car blasting rap music would zoom by a decorated house then stop, people in costumes would literally jump out and run to the house. Trick or treat then run back in and repeat. At first I didn't know if they gonna egg and TP it or anyting.
I was sure as hell dumbfounded by this niggertry. Yes, that little event made me come up with a word that fits in perfectly on what it was. IT WAS PURE NIGGERTRY!, So after a couple of hours of this...Clyde came over and we hanged out played Rock Band and messed around on Stickam. But Jesus Christ the Niggertry of it all, I just had to write about it. Later!

[=S-G=] out....

This Made My Day, I Dub It "Crater Face"

2008-10-29T20:44:27Z

ZombieInfectious (2:51:17 PM): hallo
B3 NIGHT ED (2:57:12 PM): hey
ZombieInfectious (2:57:24 PM): long time
ZombieInfectious (2:57:27 PM): how you been?
B3 NIGHT ED (2:59:28 PM): whos this
ZombieInfectious (2:59:33 PM): Gian :|
ZombieInfectious (3:01:24 PM): still no brain click? haha
B3 NIGHT ED (3:04:34 PM): oh
B3 NIGHT ED (3:04:43 PM): hey
B3 NIGHT ED (3:04:50 PM): i have a question for you
ZombieInfectious (3:04:53 PM): k
B3 NIGHT ED (3:04:58 PM): why did u call me crater-face in high school?
B3 NIGHT ED (3:05:04 PM): what did i ever do to you lol
ZombieInfectious (3:05:14 PM): jesus lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:05:36 PM): i didnt have acne
ZombieInfectious (3:05:37 PM): are you serious right now?
B3 NIGHT ED (3:05:40 PM): so i dont get that
ZombieInfectious (3:05:39 PM): lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:05:42 PM): um yes?
B3 NIGHT ED (3:05:58 PM): cuz as far as i remember, i was nice to you
B3 NIGHT ED (3:06:06 PM): i dont know why ud be a dick like that lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:06:12 PM): im just tryin ti understand that
B3 NIGHT ED (3:07:00 PM): i mean now we see how things turned out for the both of us so i guess karma is a bitch, but i was really nice to you and you made fun of me to your stupid friends? lol
ZombieInfectious (3:07:23 PM): calm down
B3 NIGHT ED (3:07:39 PM): i am calm lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:07:42 PM): i just found out recently
ZombieInfectious (3:07:43 PM): I didn't come up with the name actually
B3 NIGHT ED (3:07:47 PM): so im askin
B3 NIGHT ED (3:07:53 PM): who did? angel? steve?
B3 NIGHT ED (3:07:55 PM): lol
ZombieInfectious (3:07:58 PM): you're making a big deal of this
B3 NIGHT ED (3:08:09 PM): you are, by not answering
ZombieInfectious (3:08:14 PM): I'll explain, god hahaha
B3 NIGHT ED (3:08:21 PM): ok lol im listenin
ZombieInfectious (3:09:46 PM): ok back then, that was when we kinda had a grudge with Vanessa.
We were young and stupid and always fucking around
B3 NIGHT ED (3:10:28 PM): but what does having a grudge with vanessa have to do with callin me that lol
ZombieInfectious (3:11:19 PM): ok what happened?
B3 NIGHT ED (3:11:45 PM): B3 NIGHT ED: but what does having a grudge with vanessa have to do with callin me that lol
ZombieInfectious (3:12:14 PM): no this is beyond the origin of the name it seems.
B3 NIGHT ED (3:12:34 PM): huh? no.. this is about "why did u call me that" lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:12:42 PM): very simple
ZombieInfectious (3:12:43 PM): and it was Steve who came up with it
B3 NIGHT ED (3:12:45 PM): just wanna know why
ZombieInfectious (3:12:45 PM): hah
ZombieInfectious (3:13:01 PM): you actually gave birth to Danny's nickname too
ZombieInfectious (3:13:06 PM): lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:13:23 PM): whos danny and what was his nickname
ZombieInfectious (3:13:53 PM): Danny "pale boy" the named we gave him was Fufi the pussywhipped dog
ZombieInfectious (3:14:06 PM): people still call him Fufi too lmao
B3 NIGHT ED (3:14:23 PM): oook.
im sure thats hilarious to you
B3 NIGHT ED (3:14:27 PM): and im sure he doesnt mind
B3 NIGHT ED (3:14:31 PM): but why crater face
ZombieInfectious (3:14:33 PM): he doesnt
B3 NIGHT ED (3:14:38 PM): where are the craters
B3 NIGHT ED (3:14:40 PM): like
ZombieInfectious (3:14:39 PM): dude
B3 NIGHT ED (3:14:42 PM): i never had acne
B3 NIGHT ED (3:14:44 PM): lol
ZombieInfectious (3:14:45 PM): Nat
ZombieInfectious (3:15:04 PM): see, you are making a big deal of it
ZombieInfectious (3:15:12 PM): I told you, I didn't come up with it
B3 NIGHT ED (3:15:15 PM): no...? i am tryin to understand
B3 NIGHT ED (3:16:26 PM): can u just be honest
B3 NIGHT ED (3:16:29 PM): or is that too much to ask
ZombieInfectious (3:16:46 PM): honestly I don't care, that was high school. and what you said about karma was uncall for.
ZombieInfectious (3:16:53 PM): I'm always honest
B3 NIGHT ED (3:17:19 PM): lmfao ooo poor you! you called all these peoples names and were a total fuckin dick loser hypocrite with no life... and NOW, you say karma is uncalled for
B3 NIGHT ED (3:17:23 PM): oh im fuckin sorry
B3 NIGHT ED (3:17:28 PM): lol
ZombieInfectious (3:17:35 PM): it's ok, let it go
ZombieInfectious (3:17:42 PM): whatever makes you feel better
B3 NIGHT ED (3:18:24 PM): what makes me feel better is that now i look great and have an amazing life where im going to university and dont live in a shit place AND have friends... and youre a fat loser with no life who has never even gotten laid
B3 NIGHT ED (3:18:26 PM): so whatever
B3 NIGHT ED (3:18:36 PM): im glad at least one of us got to throw that in ur face
B3 NIGHT ED (3:18:42 PM): after all the shit you did
B3 NIGHT ED (3:18:43 PM): peace
ZombieInfectious (3:18:48 PM): Nat
B3 NIGHT ED (3:19:33 PM): u deserve your shitty life lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:19:40 PM): youre a bitter two faced fuck lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:19:47 PM): u deserve every bit of it
B3 NIGHT ED (3:19:51 PM): and more
B3 NIGHT ED (3:19:57 PM): crater face out!
ZombieInfectious (3:20:26 PM): all this for something stupid from high school, shows how much you matured.
ZombieInfectious (3:20:55 PM): do you want me to say I'm sorry?
ZombieInfectious (3:22:11 PM): see, I can't even try talking to you
B3 NIGHT ED (3:24:32 PM): no i want u to say anything lol and i sure as hell have matured, anger doesnt signify immaturity
B3 NIGHT ED (3:24:43 PM): if i had known this in high school i wouldve kicked your ass lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:24:48 PM): THAT how i am mature now lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:25:41 PM): its a stupid name to you, but u dont understand how that affects people
B3 NIGHT ED (3:25:49 PM): u cant see past your own computer screen
B3 NIGHT ED (3:25:53 PM): into the real world
B3 NIGHT ED (3:25:59 PM): ure the immature one dude
ZombieInfectious (3:33:10 PM): ok how long was this and why does it affect you now?
B3 NIGHT ED (3:33:36 PM): i found out like 3 days ago and it affects me because it hurt my feelings
B3 NIGHT ED (3:33:41 PM): deeply
ZombieInfectious (3:35:55 PM): well I'm sorry.
ZombieInfectious (3:36:07 PM): we were stupid and young
ZombieInfectious (3:36:22 PM): and I told you, I didn't even come up with the name
ZombieInfectious (3:36:57 PM): so I don't see why your being like this with the messenger and not the creator, I honestly had no opinion of you since I didn't knew you then
B3 NIGHT ED (3:37:00 PM): it doesnt matter
B3 NIGHT ED (3:37:02 PM): you used it
B3 NIGHT ED (3:37:04 PM): and u laughed at it
B3 NIGHT ED (3:37:09 PM): makes u JUST as bad
B3 NIGHT ED (3:37:14 PM): except u lack creativity
B3 NIGHT ED (3:37:17 PM): so worse
ZombieInfectious (3:38:37 PM): oh trust me I made up better nicknames then back but that's not the topic atm.
B3 NIGHT ED (3:39:05 PM): im sure you did, you fucked up sad sad man lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:39:07 PM): youre a sad man
B3 NIGHT ED (3:39:08 PM): u know that
B3 NIGHT ED (3:39:15 PM): all u do is whine about yuor shitty life
B3 NIGHT ED (3:39:17 PM): no one cares dude lol
ZombieInfectious (3:39:42 PM): you seem to, see you are making a big deal out of this.
ZombieInfectious (3:39:50 PM): it was a stupid fucking nick
B3 NIGHT ED (3:40:58 PM): it IS a big deal.. youre an ass!! why would u call people mean ass names
B3 NIGHT ED (3:41:02 PM): youre fuckin evil!
B3 NIGHT ED (3:41:07 PM): it hurts man
B3 NIGHT ED (3:41:12 PM): dont do that siht, bastard
B3 NIGHT ED (3:41:12 PM): lol
B3 NIGHT ED (3:41:40 PM): what was vanessas nickname?
ZombieInfectious (3:42:15 PM): I dubbed her Tampon
ZombieInfectious (3:42:21 PM): I take credit for that
ZombieInfectious (3:42:24 PM): hah
B3 NIGHT ED (3:46:40 PM): w/e i still dont get crater face
B3 NIGHT ED (3:46:47 PM): it makes no fuckin sense
ZombieInfectious (3:47:43 PM): um, I didn't come up with it.
I told you that
ZombieInfectious (3:52:16 PM): I'll ask you something, did that nick name ever affected your life intill now?
B3 NIGHT ED (3:57:38 PM): does it MATTER?
B3 NIGHT ED (3:57:43 PM): it affects me NOW
B3 NIGHT ED (3:57:45 PM): so what
B3 NIGHT ED (3:57:50 PM): it DOES. the end.
ZombieInfectious (3:58:22 PM): I said I'm sorry ok
ZombieInfectious (3:58:31 PM): I'm sorry for using it and laughing about it
B3 NIGHT ED (3:59:12 PM): well i am sorry i was nice to you and didnt know what kind of person you were
B3 NIGHT ED (3:59:15 PM): u wish i wouldve known
ZombieInfectious (4:24:46 PM): ok you win, you know you have such a wonderful life and your attractive now and I live because god wants me to suffer.
ZombieInfectious (4:24:55 PM): so I guess this is it then?
B3 NIGHT ED (4:31:51 PM): lol sorry i was busy at work
B3 NIGHT ED (4:31:54 PM): yes this is it
B3 NIGHT ED (4:31:55 PM):
B3 NIGHT ED (4:31:57 PM): bye
B3 NIGHT ED signed off at 4:32:09 PM.

b3nighted is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.

Funny thing is I held back from making sense and telling her off at the same time.
I was loling the whole point, I guess some people can't grow up. High School kids bahahahaha!

[=S-G=] Out...

HAPPY GOD HATES US ALL DAY

2008-09-11T13:14:34Z

Woke up, Put the album on.

While I was taking my niece to school today, my car shuts off on the road for braking hard since the jack asses around like to do stupid shit (braking at the last spot). So I turn on my hazard lights and the retard in the van behind fucking still honks like I can move. So sitting there in this POS car as people do all sort of India style driving to get around me like a diseased person. Out of around 40 cars that pass by me only one lady ask if I was ok. A little bit later some monkey saids something, VERY lucky I couldn't respond to it. Since I would of probably make the area butt hurt with the things I would of said haha. So after the 5-10 minutes of this I got it to start up again. Great way to start the day, yeah?

It shows you even on this great day of destruction, Americans will never learn what it is to be human. Just greedy scum fucks who ride high horses and get off on being self-centered.

"I reject this fuckin' race
I despise this fuckin' place"

Wow, Zeitgeist Fans...

2008-08-17T13:24:23Z

This has to be the biggest piece of shit film anyone with common sense would notice.

Not only I already know half of the bullshit, it's more ridiculous people who praise this movie like it was revealing of the hoax known as Bigfoot. You are living in lies if did not notice any of bullshit preached by now. Yes, all religions are cults, never let anyone convince you other wise. You want believe in a god without religion? it's called Deism and I'm proud as a pig in shit to be a Deist!

Yes, 911 was a inside job by the Government, and you know what? Who Cares! There is nothing you can do about it! Good job helmet head that you finally notice! But you will forever remain the government's slaving little bitch just like the slaves that built pyramids for their greedy fat masters. So go ahead and cry you're rivers just like the hippies did! Guess where the hippies are now?! Working for the government behaving like good sheep.

You really want to do something about it? You're ass is going to need an army to overthrown this epic government and the only way I'll ever see that happen is by rather a World War or Resistance from within like a virus spreading through it's veins. I hope we do fight with Russia, America needs it's ass handed to it. I rather die refusing to fight for this "great" country, fucking pathetic place.

I just wasted about 50 minutes of my fucking life watching this basic knowledge nonsense. I seriously want to slap anyone I knew that acted like this was the truth about it all.

SO GET IN LINE BITCHES! HERE COMES THE SLAPPING!

LiesLiesLiesLiesLies

2008-08-09T08:42:45Z

I love how I can be at my highest laugh as it decreases fast into a cold grim reality. How quickly an alley shuns you for no reason. To question one's existence as if it was all a lie. I sometimes wonder if I was meant to live in misery hah. Just stirring my pot of thoughts as my mood is at it's gloom state.
Having Ambient Black Metals ring in my ears as my head tries to grow pain. I wonder if this is what my life is cracked up to be....a complete nothing but built up false hopes and dreams. People like to think there is a light of hope at some point, what if there is no light? just to suffer as destined to be. I'm starting to can't stand certain people wearing a mask of lies in my face and not expect me to see them for who they truly are.
Why bother with me if you're just going to died off, betray, or neglect me? In my moments of need, I'm always stuck alone in my isolation and nothing more. My only true friend, the silent none existent being. Makes me wonder if drive themselves insane to the point where they believe they talk to a god. If the religious fools hell bent on brainwashing the masses to believing in their imagery friends. Too bad I don't buy into the ridiculous lies of it all.
Instead I sit here and write in a symphony of lost words, trying to make meaning of it all. The relief of letting things go as a pressured bottle should. The cold reassuring me that I'm still among the living. As the saying goes "To Live Is To Suffer" but for what price I ask...

[=S-G=] out...

Thanks For The LOL

2008-06-24T14:06:10Z

Not only did this troll failed at what's it doing...once again I brought out the stupidity of you're mistakes in it. Good game noob, better luck next time.

DaddyTouchMePlz (9:01:22 AM): dear dezember-wulf, legomymalfoy wants to know, how much for your children?
ZombieInfectious (9:01:49 AM): wha
ZombieInfectious (9:08:21 AM): ?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:35:23 AM): who wants to make me some first
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:35:34 AM): then we can talk business
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:36:00 AM): whos this
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:36:49 AM): hello?
ZombieInfectious (9:40:05 AM): that's what I'm wondering
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:40:38 AM): lol theres a list
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:40:38 AM): whos this
ZombieInfectious (9:40:46 AM): a list?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:41:06 AM): yea
ZombieInfectious (9:41:13 AM): of what
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:41:14 AM): of baby makers
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:41:21 AM): cause im apparently awesome enough for that
ZombieInfectious (9:41:40 AM): and who are you?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:41:48 AM): who is this srsly
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:41:53 AM): i dont dig random messages
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:42:00 AM): you said im kitsunefoxman
ZombieInfectious (9:42:09 AM): DaddyTouchMePlz (9:01:22 AM): dear dezember-wulf, legomymalfoy wants to know, how much for your children?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:42:12 AM): so why do you know that and still im me?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:42:42 AM): >.>
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:42:44 AM): you dont make sense
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:42:53 AM): who is that anyway
ZombieInfectious (9:43:51 AM): I don't think you can handle who I am, since you're playing dumb at the moment.
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:43:58 AM): really i dont know you
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:44:03 AM): im not
ZombieInfectious (9:44:08 AM): either do I
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:44:17 AM): 9.9
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:44:24 AM): i don't do riddles stranger, forgive me
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:44:31 AM): im rather busy and even a little tired
ZombieInfectious (9:45:14 AM): I'm sure you are
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:47:07 AM): start making sense and tell me who you are
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:47:15 AM): or are you Scrion
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:47:25 AM): maybe your his friend
ZombieInfectious (9:48:01 AM): who?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:49:16 AM): i guess not
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:49:17 AM): well
ZombieInfectious (9:49:35 AM): apparently you know who I am since you bothered to look up two on my usernames
ZombieInfectious (9:49:37 AM): good game
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:49:48 AM): i don't know this legomymalfoy person nor have i spoken to them to my knowledge. i am however seeing they exhist
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:49:52 AM): so you are darkwolf
ZombieInfectious (9:50:19 AM): yea that's why you IMed me FIRST lol.
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:50:31 AM): i didnt im you though
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:50:41 AM): maybe a salmon used my name
ZombieInfectious (9:50:45 AM): then you must of got hacked
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:50:55 AM): definitely
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:51:00 AM): so then who are you?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:51:04 AM): salmons hack names
ZombieInfectious (9:51:24 AM): I'll refer to myself as G for now
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:51:38 AM): G?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:51:44 AM): well, why do you know about kitsunefoxman
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:51:48 AM): my aim name doesn't reference that
ZombieInfectious (9:52:06 AM): you seem to be up to something and I'm not in the mood for it
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:52:33 AM): im not up to anything unfortunately, or fortunately
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:52:44 AM): i really am just busy and dont know what this business is about
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:52:47 AM): are you a fur?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:53:01 AM): im wondering if these salmon ims are specifically targeted
ZombieInfectious (9:53:05 AM): keep playing the dumb card, it seems to fit you well I see.
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:53:24 AM): why do you think im playing dumb?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:53:34 AM): i don't know you
ZombieInfectious (9:53:40 AM): I think you do
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:53:58 AM): then tell me
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:54:03 AM): cause if not im just blocking you
ZombieInfectious (9:54:05 AM): you seem to be getting you're kicks out of this
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:54:10 AM): i dont dig random
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:54:16 AM): i dont think so
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:54:40 AM): blocking you unless you give me a reason not to
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:54:43 AM): i dont know you
ZombieInfectious (9:55:27 AM): whatever, I'm not in the mood for this
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:55:42 AM): why do you sound so offended
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:55:50 AM): what is this shit
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:55:54 AM): who are you trying to fool
ZombieInfectious (9:55:59 AM): I'm not offended lol
ZombieInfectious (9:56:11 AM): I'm just annoyed by your stupidity.
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:56:12 AM): then whats the deal?
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:56:18 AM): do you honestly know me is all i care
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:56:24 AM): >.
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:56:27 AM): im not stupid
ZombieInfectious (9:56:42 AM): no I don't
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:56:59 AM): ok then
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:57:02 AM): sorry for you time
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:57:08 AM): gonna hafta block you
ZombieInfectious (9:57:18 AM): yea go fuck yourself you failed troll
ZombieInfectious (9:57:25 AM): hahaha
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:57:29 AM): im not a troll
ZombieInfectious (9:57:43 AM): just like your not stupid
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:57:44 AM): its called...a fucking salmon
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:57:53 AM): it ims random people
DaddyTouchMePlz (9:57:57 AM): yea, have fun
ZombieInfectious (9:59:18 AM): so what's your name tough guy?
ZombieInfectious (10:00:49 AM): oh what happened? I don't amuse you anymore?
ZombieInfectious (10:01:22 AM): bahahaha
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:13:15 AM): What?
ZombieInfectious (10:13:50 AM): mhm
ZombieInfectious (10:14:26 AM): Don't worry, I'll have my fun with you soon
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:14:33 AM): Look, I need to get to work soon. So if this is serioius, get to the point?
ZombieInfectious (10:14:44 AM): *serious
ZombieInfectious (10:15:15 AM): ok
ZombieInfectious (10:15:18 AM): what's your name?
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:15:26 AM): Thanks, smartass. It was a typo.
ZombieInfectious (10:15:37 AM): *smart ass
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:15:57 AM): Colloquially, it's one word, not two. Now fuck off.
ZombieInfectious (10:16:12 AM): awww you getting mad man?
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:16:57 AM): Yeah, I tend to get irked when random kids IM me. I'm leaving for work now.
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:17:41 AM): Ha!
ZombieInfectious (10:17:53 AM): sup?
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:18:07 AM): You're a moron.
ZombieInfectious (10:18:50 AM): oh I'm the moron now? lol
ZombieInfectious (10:19:21 AM): what happened? did you just turn your peanut of a brain back on now?
ZombieInfectious (10:19:25 AM): lmao
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:21:07 AM): Okay, I'll bite, because it does concern me. Where in a public journal entry did I mention I'm in recovery?
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:22:39 AM): Seriously. Please, tell me where you got that from.
ZombieInfectious (10:23:06 AM): I have no idea what you speak of.
ZombieInfectious (10:23:11 AM): but it's all good
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:23:25 AM): zombieinfectious (9:19:19 AM): so you're an addict? lmao
ZombieInfectious (10:24:03 AM): how long did it take you to come up with that?
ZombieInfectious (10:24:04 AM): wow lol
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:24:54 AM): Are you high, kid? You're not making sense.
DaddyTouchMePlz (10:25:49 AM): You know what, on second thought, forget it. I'm proud of being in recovery, you're a troll, and I need to get to work. Ciao.
ZombieInfectious (10:25:57 AM): oh oh, looks like I struck a nerve.
ZombieInfectious (10:26:07 AM): THE INTERNET IS SERIOUS BUSINESS
ZombieInfectious (10:26:20 AM): I is a troll
ZombieInfectious (10:26:41 AM): lmao YOUR A QUITTER
ZombieInfectious (10:28:32 AM): so what's your druf of choice?
ZombieInfectious (10:28:36 AM): *drug

HomelessSalmon (10:11:03 AM): Good afternoon, my name is Larry Scholn. What can I do for you today?
ZombieInfectious (10:12:43 AM): lawl
ZombieInfectious (10:12:50 AM): having fun?
HomelessSalmon (10:12:58 AM): COME ON, SUCKER. LICK MY BATTERY.
ZombieInfectious (10:13:18 AM): would that be a AAA battery then?
HomelessSalmon (10:13:58 AM): SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
ZombieInfectious (10:16:19 AM): OH BOY
HomelessSalmon (10:16:29 AM): SUP
ZombieInfectious (10:16:39 AM): LET"S SEE YOUR BATTERY THEN
HomelessSalmon (10:16:55 AM): SORRY. THAT IS A HIDDEN TREASURE.
ZombieInfectious (10:17:18 AM): THEN HOW CAN I LICKS IT?
HomelessSalmon (10:17:30 AM): YOU MUST SEARCH FAR AND WIDE.
ZombieInfectious (10:19:39 AM): WHERE IS IT LOCATED?
HomelessSalmon (10:20:34 AM): PRETTY FAR OUT.
YOU MIGHT HAVE TO USE YOUR POINTY NIPPLE ANTENNAE TO TRANSMIT DATA BACK TO EARTH
ZombieInfectious (10:20:46 AM): ZOMG
HomelessSalmon (10:21:07 AM): IT HAPPENS!

Feel free to raid this little monkey.

RIP George Carlin

2008-06-24T12:52:49Z

"The iconic stand-up comic, whose routine about the seven words "you can't say on television" was heard from college campuses to the Supreme Court, died today of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital, his publicist announced. He was 71.
Carlin, who suffered his first heart attack at age 41, was admitted to St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica earlier today after complaining of heart trouble, the statement said. He died at 5:55 p.m."

eonline.com/uberblog/b143767_george_carlin_dead_71.html?sid=rss_topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=rssfeeds&utm_campaign=rss_topstories

When I heard my friend said Carlin is dead, I thought he was joking. Then other people saying he is and that day I found out on this article. It saddens knowing he's actually gone now...We all knew he was gonna leave us sometime but we never wanted to come with grips that it was possible. I grew up watching him this great guy supplying me with the best medicine of laughter. He was like the funny grandfather you never wanted to see leave, he was untouchable on what he did. Hell, he was a comedic god in my eyes...So now we are only left with his legacy he worked hard on for years and years. Not only was he funny....he made more sense then anyone I ever seen. You had a good long run old friend, now enjoy your well deserved rest.

It hurts me to say Rest In Peace George....You will be missed. :(

Today...

2008-05-08T20:51:15Z

I'm in sorrow of my best fallen comrade.

As I confront one that turn the other cheek on me.

I guess the message here is treasure the living for our fate might come to us at anytime.

"Some Of The Best Inspiration Can Come From The Deepest Sickness"

Never forgotten, I'll always remember MK.....intill we meet again.

New Nothings.

2008-02-14T12:05:48Z

I'm surprised I held out this long to make an entry haha. Well fuck here I is nyukka, New piece of shit year with the same old shit. This month has been really shitty to me, I missed out two shows and a Rock Band tournament with aside of bullshit :). Man, I'm really disappointed I fucking passed out and missed the tournament ehhhh. Then again I didn't know if I was going to able to be in it since it was 3-4 member group entry.
But I found out from one of my tourney buddies that I could of been in it. He fucking made it third place and this kid that won the GH3 tourney was in his band, this kid only like 12 and he's sick on GH3. So I'm still kicking myself for that knowing I could help probably go higher then third. Today is the poor excuse of a holiday for the rich corporations to get rich off of you. So don't support it's false beliefs, and Diary Of The Dead comes out today, if I don't get to see it. I'm going to go fucking ape shit on everything...
I made a new goal as well, I'm gonna be a complete asshole to American women unless they can prove me wrong that their not worthless materialistic sheep. I can't stand this fucking country anymore, it's pathetic what these monkeys act/believe in. Fucking posers, this is why it makes me so warm inside when I blast metal from my car with the windows down. I can't remember most of the bullshit that happen to me right now, I'm sure it'll come back to me soon and I'll rant it off. Oh yea...I moved into a new house and it's bigger then the last sucks it's in fucking Poinciana, the middle of fucking nowhere.
Christmas day was great as well, I mean I was still moving shit as my car battery dies and my PC table flys out the trailer almost hitting a parked car...oh and of course I got nothing that day either :). Santa must of had it out for me lol, Lucky I could put some poison cookies out for him >:|. Anyway I'll stop here for now, here's a conversation I had with a friend. Later...[=S-G=] out......

another finch (5:52:51 AM): Happy Valentine's Day, stud.
ZombieInfectious (5:53:00 AM): STFU FAT MAN

Auto Response from another finch (5:53:01 AM): HAPPY FERRIS WHEEL DAY!

Rest in peace...
George Washington Gale Ferris, Jr.
February 14, 1859 - November 22, 1896

ZombieInfectious (5:53:03 AM): lol
ZombieInfectious (5:53:06 AM): YOU MEAN
another finch (5:53:07 AM): Haha
ZombieInfectious (5:53:16 AM): HAPPY DIARY OF THE DEAD RELEASE DATE
ZombieInfectious (5:53:18 AM): :P
another finch (5:53:25 AM): Ahem, 15th for me.
another finch (5:53:40 AM): At least, I thought it was the fifteenth, shit.
another finch (5:53:45 AM): Damn, I need to get some money fast!
ZombieInfectious (5:53:47 AM): haha
ZombieInfectious (5:53:51 AM): if I don't see it
ZombieInfectious (5:53:59 AM): I'm going to go insane
another finch (5:54:07 AM): Dude, I KNOW.
ZombieInfectious (5:54:09 AM): this month has been shitty to me
another finch (5:54:12 AM): It's George A. Romero.
another finch (5:54:15 AM): I'm sorry dude
another finch (5:55:35 AM): Well, okay. We were both right. It's showing at MIDNIGHT tonight.
ZombieInfectious (5:55:42 AM): haha
ZombieInfectious (5:55:52 AM): it's gonna be sick
another finch (5:55:56 AM): Of course, I'll have to wait until tomorrow and drive up to Baltimore, methinks.
ZombieInfectious (5:56:10 AM): it's basically NightOTLD remade :P
ZombieInfectious (5:56:14 AM): low budget and all
another finch (5:56:18 AM): I don't care if it's good or bad, it's Romero, it's indie, it's original, and most of all... it's not fucking LAND OF THE DEAD.
ZombieInfectious (5:56:24 AM): he had complete control of this flick
another finch (5:56:37 AM): Didn't just direct three fucking scenes like Land, lol.
ZombieInfectious (5:56:50 AM): ha
ZombieInfectious (5:57:08 AM): that's what happens when you let hollywood get in it
ZombieInfectious (5:57:12 AM): thery fuck it up
ZombieInfectious (5:57:33 AM): you ever played a game called JFK Reloaded?
ZombieInfectious (5:57:36 AM): so fun
ZombieInfectious (5:57:38 AM): lmao
another finch (5:57:47 AM): That flash game where you try to recreate the shot and get ten grand if you can?
ZombieInfectious (5:58:04 AM): well not flash the one I played
ZombieInfectious (5:58:29 AM): this one you take the shot and can replay the scene in different angles n shit
ZombieInfectious (5:58:39 AM): and they show you where the bullet bouncs
ZombieInfectious (5:58:43 AM): *bounces lol
another finch (5:58:48 AM): Robbie downloaded some version. The guy who made it was a professor or something. Studied every camera shot, the scene, fucking every detail. Said if you can recreate the shot just like they say it was done, he'll personally give you $10,000.
another finch (5:58:57 AM): Yeah, I think it's like an extended version of that.
ZombieInfectious (5:58:59 AM): yea
another finch (5:59:02 AM): Shows all the fragments, slow mo, etc.
ZombieInfectious (5:59:08 AM): it's small file and free
another finch (5:59:23 AM): Surprised nobody's tried hacking it and cheating yet.
ZombieInfectious (5:59:23 AM): since it's abandonware
another finch (5:59:33 AM): Is abandware the same as vaporware?
ZombieInfectious (6:00:15 AM): what's vapor?
another finch (6:00:18 AM): Oh nevermind, vaporware is shit that is constantly pushed back on the release date.
ZombieInfectious (6:00:22 AM): oh lol
another finch (6:00:26 AM): I always thought vaporware was abandonware.
ZombieInfectious (6:00:29 AM): oh
ZombieInfectious (6:00:33 AM): no lol
another finch (6:00:37 AM): But I guess my NES emulator collection is just abandonware, haha.
ZombieInfectious (6:00:52 AM): I found a site filled with abandonware pc games
ZombieInfectious (6:01:21 AM): got turok, alein trilogy, dark seed1&2, Terminator 2
another finch (6:01:45 AM): Dude, nice. I can't wait until I get my controllers for my laptop so I can get some killer emulators.
another finch (6:01:51 AM): Did I show you the controller I'm getting?
ZombieInfectious (6:01:54 AM): no
another finch (6:02:10 AM): http://img.presence-pc.com/news/n/e/nes_usb_controller.JPG
another finch (6:02:20 AM): Well, I might just get the five dollar adaptor or kit, but still.
ZombieInfectious (6:02:35 AM): lol
ZombieInfectious (6:02:51 AM): and why get the NES control and not the SNES one?
ZombieInfectious (6:02:59 AM): I have a snes one
ZombieInfectious (6:03:04 AM): but no port
another finch (6:03:05 AM): Why not get them both?
ZombieInfectious (6:03:14 AM): if you choose to
ZombieInfectious (6:03:16 AM): hehe
another finch (6:03:20 AM): I just can't wait until I get my N64 controller. Super Smash, Goldeneye, etc etc.
another finch (6:03:26 AM): Wait, what the fuck are you doing up?
ZombieInfectious (6:03:40 AM): normally up
ZombieInfectious (6:03:47 AM): well this week
ZombieInfectious (6:03:50 AM): all nigthers
ZombieInfectious (6:03:55 AM): which I regret
another finch (6:04:06 AM): You sir, need to get some rest.
ZombieInfectious (6:04:09 AM): cause I missed out on a rock band tournament yesterday
another finch (6:04:17 AM): :-/
ZombieInfectious (6:04:28 AM): price was $500 virgin records gift card
ZombieInfectious (6:04:32 AM): *prize
another finch (6:04:55 AM): Damn dude... that could've gotten you two TV DVD box sets.
another finch (6:05:05 AM): No joke though, I love Virgin.
ZombieInfectious (6:05:10 AM): I could of got the rock band bundle lmao
another finch (6:05:42 AM): Jesus, so much money for all those games and stuff.
ZombieInfectious (6:06:06 AM): but I had doubts I was gonna get to be in it since it was a 3-4 member band entry
another finch (6:06:08 AM): See, every time a new system comes out, I want it, but I go... I'll just wait until it gets cheaper. So far, I have an Atari and an NES emulator.
another finch (6:06:22 AM): Did they not let you in, or did you just not go?
ZombieInfectious (6:06:29 AM): and I find out later I could of been in one :|
another finch (6:06:34 AM):
ZombieInfectious (6:06:35 AM): I passed out
ZombieInfectious (6:06:40 AM): lol
another finch (6:06:50 AM): Well, I'm sure there are plenty more coming up, it's not like the game's gonna lose popularity.
ZombieInfectious (6:07:18 AM): but not many chance i'll find poeple
another finch (6:07:40 AM): Lol, you don't frequent the Craigslist ads or forums much, do you?
another finch (6:07:49 AM): Or put out ads on Facebook/Myspace.
ZombieInfectious (6:07:49 AM): I never been there
ZombieInfectious (6:08:03 AM): I did post bulletins about the rock band tourney
another finch (6:08:04 AM): Yeah, you definitely need to embrace the internet, broski.
ZombieInfectious (6:08:11 AM): man I have
ZombieInfectious (6:08:14 AM): fuck whatever
another finch (6:08:16 AM): But only your friends could see those, correct?
ZombieInfectious (6:08:26 AM): yesa
another finch (6:08:36 AM): Bingo.
another finch (6:09:04 AM): Get on craigslist.org You can find free lawnmowers, instrumetns, consoles, trannies, nannies, etc. Fuck, you could probably find a surplus of doorstoppers on there.
another finch (6:09:15 AM): And they have forums specifically for local people into games/music.
ZombieInfectious (6:10:06 AM): wtf lol
another finch (6:10:18 AM): I'm serious.
another finch (6:10:32 AM): Just last week up here, some dude was trying to give away a free cracked brick.
ZombieInfectious (6:10:44 AM): oh boy!
ZombieInfectious (6:10:50 AM): a cracked brick!
another finch (6:10:51 AM): And someone else a while back gave away a free working car.
another finch (6:11:08 AM): Hell, I get shit tons of paint on there, but people keep beating me to the turntables and typewriters.
another finch (6:11:41 AM): It's like a giant swapmeet, only there's a section for free stuff, and tons of other ones for selling. And like I said, forums full of people trying to put together a tourny team for rock band like you.
another finch (6:11:45 AM): What city do you live in?
ZombieInfectious (6:12:02 AM): Kissimmee(Poinciana)
ZombieInfectious (6:12:45 AM): job list lol
another finch (6:12:47 AM): daytona beach
florida keys
fort lauderdale
ft myers / SW florida
gainesville
jacksonville
lakeland
miami
ocala
orlando
pensacola / panhandle
sarasota-bradenton
space coast
tallahassee
tampa bay area
treasure coast
west palm beach
another finch (6:12:50 AM): Which one of those? lol
ZombieInfectious (6:12:56 AM): orlando I guess
another finch (6:13:06 AM): http://orlando.craigslist.org/
ZombieInfectious (6:13:50 AM): yea i'm there
ZombieInfectious (6:14:20 AM): I think seen this place before
another finch (6:14:51 AM): http://orlando.craigslist.org/forums/?ID=77160919 Bingo
ZombieInfectious (6:15:42 AM): orlando is away form me tho
another finch (6:15:53 AM): Get that fucker to drive.
ZombieInfectious (6:15:59 AM): lol
ZombieInfectious (6:18:51 AM): where's the free area?
another finch (6:19:21 AM): http://orlando.craigslist.org/zip/
another finch (6:19:28 AM): Lol, some good stuff tehre. Tired.
another finch (6:19:30 AM): *tires.
another finch (6:20:00 AM): Dude, up here... people give away at least 4-10 free couches a day. Not to mention the tvs, dishes, exercise equipment. It's perfect for any broke college kid.
ZombieInfectious (6:20:10 AM): lol
another finch (6:20:49 AM): Damn, you guys don't get too many posts, though. I guess DC is just crazy about this shit seeing as it's advertised a lot.
ZombieInfectious (6:21:22 AM): OH YEA WHY DON"T YOU TRY CRAIG'S SHIT GIAN?
ZombieInfectious (6:21:25 AM): >:|
another finch (6:21:32 AM): Hahaha
another finch (6:21:43 AM): Well it's not my fault you live int he middle of nowhere!
ZombieInfectious (6:21:52 AM): MAYBE IT IS
ZombieInfectious (6:21:53 AM): lmao
another finch (6:22:06 AM): You oughta just move up to DC like you planned.
ZombieInfectious (6:22:34 AM): like I planned?
ZombieInfectious (6:22:38 AM): whattt lol
another finch (6:22:47 AM): Sorry, like WE planned.
ZombieInfectious (6:22:58 AM): I'm still confused
another finch (6:23:12 AM): You signed an agreement, you aren't a welcher, are you?
ZombieInfectious (6:23:21 AM): lol
ZombieInfectious (6:23:27 AM): drugs are bad finch
another finch (6:23:46 AM): Well obviously, you apparently are suffering from memory loss, poster child.
another finch (6:23:54 AM): Now start packin... we need more metal up North.
ZombieInfectious (6:23:59 AM): lmao
another finch (6:24:27 AM): (my mission is to unite TNG to this area... and eventually move to Liverpool)
ZombieInfectious (6:24:35 AM): oh hahah
another finch (6:25:07 AM): Ugh, I have to get ready to get going soon. Traffic's gonna BLOW.
ZombieInfectious (6:25:26 AM): lol yea
ZombieInfectious (6:25:31 AM): god the drivers here
ZombieInfectious (6:25:33 AM): god man
ZombieInfectious (6:25:36 AM): lol
another finch (6:25:40 AM): Oh I know.
another finch (6:25:49 AM): My dad moved here and sold his bikes in like a week.
ZombieInfectious (6:26:11 AM): I'm going to get a car flipper for my car and just toss the slow asses aside
another finch (6:26:22 AM): Hahaha, a cow plow.
ZombieInfectious (6:26:24 AM): lol
ZombieInfectious (6:26:31 AM): snow plower lawl
another finch (6:26:54 AM): Get tiny spiked rods attached to the front. Just in case pedestrians decide that your time is the right time to cross the street.
ZombieInfectious (6:28:34 AM): eh nothing free I want so far
another finch (6:28:50 AM): Lol, it's addicting. I check every day for shit I don't need.
ZombieInfectious (6:28:50 AM): no posts on instruments or amps
ZombieInfectious (6:28:52 AM): ehh
another finch (6:29:02 AM): But sometimes... just sometimes... they'll list a turntable or typewriter.'
ZombieInfectious (6:29:09 AM): lmao
ZombieInfectious (6:29:19 AM): turntables :|?
another finch (6:29:34 AM): I have like 600 vinyls, old speakers, and a taste for that vintage sound.
another finch (6:29:41 AM): But alas, no record player.
ZombieInfectious (6:29:51 AM): oh
ZombieInfectious (6:30:17 AM): there's vinly stores in central FL
another finch (6:30:23 AM):
ZombieInfectious (6:30:25 AM): lol
another finch (6:30:27 AM): Bastard, we have Hot Topic.
another finch (6:30:29 AM): And the headshop.
another finch (6:30:38 AM): Both are overpriced and have a shitty selection.
ZombieInfectious (6:30:38 AM): urgh hot topic
another finch (6:30:56 AM): Oh wow, I see this post: "Take my GYM membership for FREE" and I get all psyched, right?
another finch (6:31:07 AM): "I have a Lady of America gym membership..."
ZombieInfectious (6:31:19 AM): god i'm feeling like shit now haha
another finch (6:31:29 AM): GET SOME SLEEP
ZombieInfectious (6:31:35 AM): I can't
another finch (6:31:35 AM): Or some booze, same thing.
ZombieInfectious (6:31:45 AM): gotta take my niece to school
another finch (6:31:51 AM): Lame dude, I'm sorry.
another finch (6:32:04 AM): You could drug her and not worry about it.
another finch (6:32:08 AM): Or knock her out, that's cheaper.
ZombieInfectious (6:32:24 AM): man she can ride her bike there but my mom is being a pain about it
ZombieInfectious (6:32:38 AM): car ride wise it's like 3-5minute long
ZombieInfectious (6:32:43 AM): FUCK
ZombieInfectious (6:33:04 AM): I wish I had booze
another finch (6:33:05 AM): So basically, you use half an hour's worth of standstill gas starting the car to drive 4 minutes worth? Way to go green, mom.
another finch (6:33:13 AM): No connections?
ZombieInfectious (6:33:17 AM): NO
another finch (6:33:24 AM): Laaaaaaame.
ZombieInfectious (6:33:26 AM): I only know like 5 people
ZombieInfectious (6:33:31 AM): in this area
another finch (6:33:31 AM): Get to know more!
ZombieInfectious (6:33:34 AM): HAHA
ZombieInfectious (6:33:40 AM): YOUR FUNNY BOY >:O
ZombieInfectious (6:33:43 AM): lol
another finch (6:33:48 AM): I know, you're like Danny in that respect.
another finch (6:33:52 AM): He joined a frat to meet poeple.
another finch (6:34:02 AM): Did you join a frat yet?
ZombieInfectious (6:34:06 AM): I'm fucking 21 and have no life
ZombieInfectious (6:34:11 AM): no lol
another finch (6:34:29 AM): Dude, you need to go to local metal shows, hit up the pubs, etc etc.
ZombieInfectious (6:34:36 AM): can't even get a job cause my car is fucked
another finch (6:34:36 AM): GET A BAND TOGETHER
ZombieInfectious (6:34:39 AM): HAHA
another finch (6:34:41 AM): I know what you mean, man.
ZombieInfectious (6:34:51 AM): what do you think I been trying? for 4 years now
another finch (6:34:53 AM): Dude, if you really want something, don't let circumstances get you donw.
another finch (6:34:58 AM): Don't give up.
another finch (6:35:01 AM): Come to VA, hah.
another finch (6:35:10 AM): There're plenty of people up here who'll chill with you.
ZombieInfectious (6:35:24 AM): I just wait for death now these days
another finch (6:35:27 AM): Stoners, straights, republicans, liberals, metal heads, hippies, whatever. We're all accepting.
another finch (6:35:51 AM): Don't be an emo kid. Nobody respects those who wait patiently fro death. They respect the ones who do something when they're bored.
another finch (6:36:04 AM): Like write a killer solo that you can toss into a local band's mix.
ZombieInfectious (6:36:16 AM): you don't understand
another finch (6:36:26 AM): You think I always had friends I could turn to?
ZombieInfectious (6:36:29 AM): in this fucking place you need a fucking car just to go somewhere
another finch (6:36:37 AM): Welcome to Northern Virginia.
another finch (6:36:47 AM): I'm stuck in miles of suburban forrest.
another finch (6:36:52 AM): I understand.
another finch (6:37:04 AM): You need to talk to your mom, or see about making money from home.
ZombieInfectious (6:37:37 AM): man I had a life that was beginning to get good and I had band
ZombieInfectious (6:37:41 AM): but had to leave it behind
ZombieInfectious (6:37:48 AM): moved to this shithole
another finch (6:38:22 AM): Your'e a good guy and a respectable one, and in that respect, I know you'll manage to stick it out like all of us, until you can get on yoru feet and somewhere you want to go.
ZombieInfectious (6:38:45 AM): I just wonder how much longer I'm going to be alive
another finch (6:38:53 AM): Shit, I'm about to get kicked out of my house with no job, money, or gas, but I'm not trying to compare. I'm just saying... take this time to prepare. Make money from home, save up, get out.
another finch (6:39:08 AM): Well if you keep letting yourself get depressed, it won't be much longer.
ZombieInfectious (6:39:12 AM): there's no money to spare
another finch (6:39:37 AM): And don't make me get in touch with your parents, I've had too many friends talk about suicide and get away with it for me to think twice about calling the white jackets.
another finch (6:39:43 AM): MAKE MONEY
another finch (6:39:50 AM): From home, if you can't drive anywher.
ZombieInfectious (6:40:09 AM): lol
ZombieInfectious (6:40:15 AM): it's funny too
ZombieInfectious (6:40:32 AM): she talks about how I need a job and live life at one point
ZombieInfectious (6:41:04 AM): I'm not suicidal ibn the sense that I will do it, if that was the case I would been dead years ago
ZombieInfectious (6:41:32 AM): once of the reasons I'm afraid to get drunk, I wouldn't know how I'll act
another finch (6:42:02 AM): Then dont'.
ZombieInfectious (6:42:22 AM): I just bottle alot of shit and need to vent, that's why my journal is filled with nonsense
another finch (6:42:39 AM): I'm just saying dude... I had to go to group therapy to get out of my slump. And without it, I would've just dug deeper and deeper and just let myself sleep all day and do nothing. In they end, what they taught me was: I'm stupid. Plain and simple. Being sad didn't get anybody anywhere (Edgar Allen Poe excluded).
ZombieInfectious (6:42:43 AM): years and years of nonsense lol
another finch (6:42:45 AM): Dude, get your journal published.
another finch (6:42:52 AM): Show people what it's like.
another finch (6:42:55 AM): Go on tour.
ZombieInfectious (6:43:05 AM): bahaha
another finch (6:43:32 AM): You laugh, but look at how many memoirs get published every year and get people rich and out.
another finch (6:43:47 AM): Augusten Burroughs, "Go Ask Alice", etc etc etc.
another finch (6:44:13 AM): Each of their memoirs, both on the best seller list for months and months.
ZombieInfectious (6:44:20 AM): I dunno about that
another finch (6:44:24 AM): I do.
another finch (6:44:33 AM): Running with Scissors, and Go Ask Alice.
another finch (6:44:45 AM): Those are TWO.
another finch (6:44:54 AM): 3,000 books are published a DAY in the us.
another finch (6:45:07 AM): And you're saying you can't find a niche market that would go for yours?
ZombieInfectious (6:45:22 AM): doesn't mean it'll go far my friend
another finch (6:45:31 AM): Better than not going anywhere?
another finch (6:45:41 AM): Just saying... don't know until you try.
another finch (6:45:48 AM): You can say it won't all you want, but you don't KNOW that.
another finch (6:45:59 AM): And maybe the book thing isn't your thing... who says music isn't?
another finch (6:46:09 AM): You can't find a supportive band within 40 miles of you?
another finch (6:46:11 AM): Bullshit.
ZombieInfectious (6:46:24 AM): I tried
another finch (6:46:31 AM): And obviously stopped.
ZombieInfectious (6:46:38 AM): in a sense
another finch (6:46:50 AM): Do you think that people just stopped forming bands since the last time you looked?
another finch (6:46:57 AM): Got news for you, new ones every day.
another finch (6:47:43 AM): I'm sure if I took the time, I could search Myspace for people within your area, cross reference with metal heads, and find people to network. From there, I KNOW sokme of them would play or know people who play instruments.
ZombieInfectious (6:48:09 AM): I even loss motivation to play man, when your down to feeling like your worthless it's pretty hard to complete even recording a song anymore
another finch (6:48:52 AM): Like I said... I was ready to just sleep in all day and daydream about nothing. Didn't even want to listen to music or write. Smoked pot EVERY day, and worked just hard enough to get tip money for a six pack to bring home.
ZombieInfectious (6:49:10 AM): hahaha
another finch (6:50:02 AM): Dude, I know it's not exactly the same, but I lost my job, disconnected from my friends and just wanted to grab the last of my shit and start walking somewhere. Stupid and irresponsibly.
another finch (6:50:25 AM): You're going downhill and you build momentum. You're going uphill and you build momentum. The turning around part is the pain in the ass.
another finch (6:50:54 AM): Now, you know what the problems are, now what the fuck is keeping you from solving them?
another finch (6:51:13 AM): Your mom? Talk to her. Your car? Fix it (go WikiHow.com)
another finch (6:51:45 AM): No job? Shit, there's temp agencies that'll find a lanscaping company that will PICK YOU UP until you get some cash to fix your car and get a new job.
another finch (6:51:46 AM): brb
another finch (6:53:31 AM): back
ZombieInfectious (6:53:39 AM): in the sense talk is easyer then action. I don't know what to tell you
ZombieInfectious (6:53:50 AM): maybe it's part of my fate
another finch (6:54:00 AM): I'm just saying dude, not completely, but in some ways, I've been where you are.
another finch (6:54:41 AM): And if you think your fate is to sit around and wait for something to happen, you're gonna be one of those 50 year old dudes, socially incapable of working in public, living off welfare, watching Jerry Springer all day.
another finch (6:55:05 AM): Your life is what you make it. Your fate is to do what you love.
another finch (6:55:43 AM): I could spout out a million adages and cliches, but the truth is... you need to change the way you think, son. Life's not just gonna GET any better. You have to MAKE it.
ZombieInfectious (6:56:39 AM): I know you mean good finch, I'm in a shit mood atm so everything to me seens whatever talk. sorry
another finch (6:56:52 AM): Will you promise me something?
another finch (6:57:07 AM): Drop your neice off and GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP.
another finch (6:57:11 AM): Lol
ZombieInfectious (6:57:19 AM): that's what I do
another finch (6:57:29 AM): You're a good guy, you just need to lighten up. Life's not bad unless you make it.
ZombieInfectious (6:57:58 AM): drop off her then sleep wake up pick her up then do nothing intill I have to drop her off the next day
another finch (6:58:07 AM): Or, do something.
ZombieInfectious (6:58:30 AM): different views and experiences I guess
another finch (6:58:35 AM): No, common sense.
another finch (6:58:45 AM): Change the routine, change the life.
another finch (6:59:15 AM): Waitin around for something to happen, for people to build a city around your house, waiting for the car to get fixed... it's not gonna happen.
another finch (6:59:30 AM): So feel like you do today tomorrow, the next day, etc etc... or change something.
another finch (6:59:55 AM): You could start with your attitude, but it'll probably be easier to start with something small and let the attitude follow.
another finch (7:00:09 AM): I hate to do this, but I've gotta head out.
another finch (7:00:12 AM): Get some rest man.
ZombieInfectious (7:00:27 AM): k
ZombieInfectious (7:00:30 AM): take care

Olds

2007-12-04T11:59:44Z

Once again surprised I'm still around, such a weird feeling being able to say I'm 21. I'm old haha and still fat and ugly, just like a Tankard album bahahaha. On my born day I did jack shit just hanged out with two friends. My uncle gave me his PSP and that's all I got so far. The only thing I want is Rock Band but I'll have to wait since it comes out later this month for PS2....assholes making me wait >:| .
Right now for the last couple of hours I started to remember some people I knew. Welcome back Gian to your haunting regretted past memories, and what a surprise the people that I happen to remember were cunts. For some reason I wanna talk to them, I don't know the fuck why I guess it's to see how their doing? even though I shouldn't care. One of them I just want to talk to her again and the other I just want to fucking yell at or at least that's what I think I would end up doing to her. Hmmm whatever, that feeling is gone now.
Fuck that shit anyway...I notice my two sides of myself. My yin and yang of my inner self pulling me back and forward like a possessed drag doll lately. Now I just lost thought of where I was going with that. I wonder if anyone ever thinks about me like I do remember they exist. It's not about caring anymore but more of a curiosity I guess. I wonder if the people that dislike me still bother to come see what I'm typing here, heh pathetic. I'm just gonna keep riding this ridiculous wave called life so I'll stop by later on. [=S-G=] out.....

Lost In The Woods Of Days/Rant.

2007-11-13T09:56:34Z

It's been awhile my blank space of creation. The whole thing with my niece only happened that one time, leaves to do conclusion that it was some stupid high school kids messing around. So that page of life is closed. Now what I have been up to....just the normal stuff I been doing since last year. Which is a whole lot of nothing, dealing with my inner self.
It's funny alot been in my position, but were they as deep in thought as I was? Lately I just been feeling very lost and alone. I might as well be on a lost island in the world feeling like the only survivor in the world....oh wait...I already do in my head. It makes me worry that I still barely see a future or is this a sign that I might die soon? Yes I still have death and what awaits the other side if there is anything at all.
The thought of everything I know right now and the life I lived just disappearing to nothing in a second always puts me in a state of shock. I mean is that what life is really about? I guess it's the the fear on unknowing talking, It always puts me on my toes of wonder. I think that sums up of my state of mind has been. I got to talk to Paul which I haven't spoke on the phone for a long time now.
And I was showing what new riffs/songs I learned since the last time we spoke. I realized I barely learn anything new, maybe just re-learn some songs. So what am I suppose to be doing now? just get a drone job and work for basically nothing, paying to blind myself with things I want and for those who ask for my work's earnings by keeping me with services of their ways? and yes that's all what Nazi America wants is sheep and drones to do whatever they want when told so. We are the bar coded robots the future promised us, forget whatever the TV has taught about the future, forget the Jetsons fantasy world.
We are the robots they dreamed of once having. I see a conflict that will happen between government and a resistance. This is not a prediction but common sense of revolution, we are soon to reform life as we know it. May it take decades or tomorrow it doesn't stop it from coming. So we live our lives thinking it is a hellish paradise, which it really is.
I'm not sure what else to say but never let your individual thought patterns go. We as creative ponderers must expose the next light to what is out there that has not been seen yet. The key to knowledge is to be open minded, We cannot prejudge what has be covered by lies,alibis, and cover ups.

That's all for now, intill then Later...[=S-G=] Out....

I Might End Up In The News Tomorrow.

2007-09-19T01:14:34Z

Reason: Today my niece got followed and harrassed by four guys in a white camaro on her way home.

Action: I'm gonna stake out tomorrow when she gets out, first write the plate if I see him and if he tries anything I'm gonna cut him off and begin beat the living shit out of him and his ride.

Comment: "Blood is on the line, I regret none of my actions if any."

9-19-07 2:19PM update: Lucky mother fucker, I think I saw his car driving but I was too late to chase him down. Tomorrow I'll wait this time...

You Are Nothing But A Number In The System.

2007-09-18T15:21:20Z

Sadly I'm still alive, so your gonna have to deal with reading my entry(well not really). What have I been up to lately, short answer is nothing. Here's a little fact about me, I'm just a bitter asshole rotting in my isolated tomb of a room. I don't know what to say really...my current life just sucks. I spend most of my time in this tomb and on rare times hang out with a friend or my bro.
Just being on stickam most of the time it gives me something to do (fucking with people/socializing/etc). unlike the people on my messengers that don't even bother with me as I even attempt to talk to them. Right now I been playing Guild Wars since my bro and friend kept asking me to. I'm not really a fan of RPGs or even worse MMOs since they get boring real fast, especially the worthless level up speed. Oh the fucking hate I have for it, such a ridiculous thing to do for hours just to get like 1-2 level up.
This month moved by me fast, Dethklok stuff(CD&DVD) is around the corner and I'm ready for it. I tried getting a job(at Guitar Center,Best Buy, Gamestop) in August I think, so I must continue job hunting since it ain't easy for a fat ugly metal head like me to get one(even in this fucking city that supposedly is fill with them). That actually makes me angry just the thought of it, My family moves here since the lack of them back in the South but yet I didn't get shit in my first try. what fucking bullshit, fucking fuck them fuckers. I can't stand my life anymore.
I lack motivation to do anything, I'm always at the end saying "what's the point?" to myself. I'm seriously wondering that now, What is the point to my existence. I see nothing at the moment, fuck I barely see a future as well. The only thing I can do is live and suffer to find out. Humans only motivation in life is to do their dream/goal no matter the sacrifice.
Eh, I'm going to go play some more Guild Wars now. [=S-G=] out....

Fuck Tony Montana, I Kill Kids.

2007-07-10T03:16:14Z

For some reason I can't stand looking at people I knew in some form from my past, especially those who were peers to me once. I get this heavy feeling of hate over me when I do, then it goes to a form of depression. Just thinking of the shit they left me out of, friendships that could of been, etc. But now that I'm typing this, I feel ridiculous even bringing it up. Fuck it, fuck them, I will forever feel eternal hate and NOTHING is going to change that. I'm done with this wasted entry...

Just one day, they'll all NEVER forget my name. Just you wait and see. So now I leave you some lyrics :).

[Verse 1]
The anatomy of a school shooting, shotgun under my trenchcoat
Columbiners did it, dead spoke - bloodred soaked
My mind consume the doom as I walk through the school
15 people killed and over 14 wounded
My name is Eric Harris, I was forever harrased, an outcast
You fuck with us and now me and Dylan is pulling out gats
I've been wantin to murder people
Suicide is played out, if you gonna die, take people with you
We've been planning this before the kids from Jonesboro did it
And I wanted the world to know when people died why we did it
I even killed myself but don't feel sorry for me
Feel sorry for your seads as we spread the diesease
Another bloodbath coming soon to a school near you
Smalltown killing-spree that's organized by the youth
Fuck the media, them fags be disguising the truth
Dragging my name through the mud when televizing the news
A bunch of ticking timebombs y'all, is more like me
Overflowin with hate, bullied to get raw like me
They constantly get picked on and shitted on like me
You'd probably get your head blown off by a kid like me
I put my mind to it and what I accomplish's frightening
The right thing, no matter what you idiots might think
Check it, I did that shit so idiots might think
This ain't a game, the nerds that you be fuckin with might flip

[Chorus: repeat 2X]
It's like this, what's more fun than slice wrist?
Kill that teacher that you hate, spray 25 kids
You'd be famous just like me if you did what I did
This is the anatomy of a school shooting

[Verse 2]
I see dead people, it isn't my fault that they were evil
Fuck a favorite I hate everybody equal
Bitch I warned y'all, didn't I?
Now everybody wanna talk shit and cry asking why
- Two geeks picked up guns and turned murderous
All of y'all under beneath me you don't deserve to live
Two nerdy kids is that a crime?
why I've gotta be one of the cool kids just to walk by
- without being tripped, thrown down on the ground and kicked
Insulting me for no reason, I was treated like shit
The teachers let it happen
I've even seen some of them teachers laughing
That's why I had a smile on my face when I started blastin
I wasn't crazy - all of y'all were sick
I was the nicest person in the world - y'all were dicks
Don't even try to analyze me now you have no chance, back then
- maybe you could've been my friend

[Chorus]

"Ill Bill - Anatomy Of A School Shooting"

This Describes Me Very Well Right Now

2007-07-04T21:55:20Z

I was lost, on my own
And I couldn't bear the thought of my life
I was gone, caught in the torturing memories
And they burned like fire
Water can never heal such pain

Can't you believe
Nothing is real
Can't you see
I cannot feel

Take me away
Bury me in the sand
Cause after all these years I am still the same
A sad and bitter man

Crush my hope, grow my hate
There's no home for me
Nothing to give, nothing to say
So tell me it's a dream

"Ensiferum - Lost In Despair"

Villain's Heart

2007-06-30T16:16:07Z

I been doing ok for these few weeks and yesterday out of nowhere I felt gloom. Dumb stuck on why it happened out of nowhere, maybe ignoring it for too long. Then the top it off K(I'm gonna refer as K since I don't feel like using names) signs on. Now for the briefing of K, she's a girl from stickam that wants to rape me to put it in simple terms ha. I been talking to her since ending/beginning of this year.
So what's wrong with that Gian? a girl likes the shit out of cause you look like an ex-bf, Yea thanks alot. I find her very attractive physically but mentally is where the problems come in. She's too immature, unstable, crazy, and the jealous type. Her actions also are a turn off since she does drugs n drink. Plus she's a used up girl(I'll explain this if someone asks) and I can't figure if she's playing or being serious half the time. So I try my best to just be her friend and nothing more(plus I don't believe in long distance relationships since it's ALL bullshit).
But she grows on me like a parasite, anyway...currently she got kicked out of her grandparents place and been living off her friends. This has been going for like 2 weeks no I think, she has the chance to go back but she doesn't want to. I don't know where I'm going with this...maybe she's just a reminder of what I can't have and thats what brings me down. The feeling of hope of the false fairytale of someone is out there for me. Which I despite so dearly and have given up on completely.
So where the spot of where my love suppose to grow is just filled with blacked hatred. The feeling of wanting to see mankind's downfall and destruction. The curse that god put on me to be alone all my life. So I take this gloom with me and have a weird dream then waking up still feeling like shit....fuck. So I drink coffee and watch TV and my recovering process begins.
But for how long will it last intill the depression strikes again? I feel old and when I mean old I mean like instead of feeling how I should be I feel like I'm in my 50's. Just being fat, ugly, having a hopeless life, the feeling of needing death, etc. I would try to lose weight but I see no reason for the attempt. Like I just blink to a not so good future, wondering how long will I even last on this planet. Funny on how things could end so easily...aw well.
I'm just gonna stop here and continue on being bored for god knows how long. Maybe play some DOOM, mmmmmm DOOM...Later, [=S-G=] out....

P.S. I wish I had someone to pour myself onto like I let others do to me, I barely have anyone there for me anymore. but that's just a silly thought.